8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
