It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
