capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
