the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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