they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
