But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
