how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
