just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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