I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
