Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
