Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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