i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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