she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
