He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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