Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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