btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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