so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
