1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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