Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
