i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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