bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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