Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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