No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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