Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
