just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sober January is a disaster.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
