some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
