idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
