Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
lol hangovers are for mortals.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
