Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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