The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
