This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
