okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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