i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
