I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
