he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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