sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
