Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
