She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
