So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
