You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
foreskin is a definite game changer
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
