I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
