I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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