4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
