u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
