Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
