I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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