she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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