The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
