I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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