Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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