he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
