Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
