those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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